Thick skinned! It’s like saying “I’m a woman and I don’t care what people think of me.” Hah. It’s human nature and no matter how hard I try there’s always someone I wish to think well of me.
So I liken writing to sitting behind the wheel of my truck in the middle of Denver traffic. I’m gripping the wheel when that sick feeling in my stomach hits me like the elevator just lurched. I’ve taken a wrong turn and no amount of looking in the rearview mirror will bring back the right exit. No amount of telling myself “that one! It was that exit, dummy!” will place my wheels on the road of that exit.
How in tarnation do I get back? I grew up in a small mountain town, I hate city driving! No, that’s not quite right, I’m scared of city driving.
Just as I’m scared of writing and sharing it. Typing out words, I stare at them and then delete them. (In fact, I’ve deleted this sentence about five times.) Words sound too simple, too naive, not punchy enough, not engaging…the mental litany runs on. People will see my weaknesses!
But no amount of worry will make my writing better just as no amount of hiding in my house will make me more comfortable driving in the city. I must drive the city to get better and I must write and share to overcome my terror of people’s thoughts.
Last year I set a goal: to have a blog.
I succeeded with much shaking and nervous ‘Oh God’s along the way.
This year I’ve set another goal: to continue the blog.
Every time a blog posts, fear makes my hands shaky. I want comments. But I fear comments. What’ll I do if someone’s critical? Gah! I swing from excitement to terror and back…but fear’s paralyzed me for too long. It’s prevented me from reaching out and taking life by the collar and owning it.
Mark Twain once wrote: “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
So with this post, I acknowledge how ridiculous most of my fears are and ask the question, “what is the worst that can happen?” Someone’s mean. Okay, I’ll deal with it when it happens. Maybe with much crying but I’ll deal.
So I straighten my shoulders, hold my head high, and plant myself in front of my computer (or behind the wheel, depending on time of day). Confidence face in place.
So what are you held from doing because you fear the journey? Whatever it may be, hold your head high and put your confidence face on. We’ll make this year the year we held life by the collar and owned it!
P.S. I feel a bit like I’ve just ranted, spitting all over the screen. *Wipes screen clean with sleeve*. Please forgive my spittle, I meant well..