This last year my sister started a blog and with her first words she stated my own misgivings perfectly.
She said:
“So apparently just sitting here trying to write this is bringing up some of my issues. Self-esteem issues. I’ve been here about 2 hours, rewritten the first line about 100 times, and consumed about half a bag of peanut butter m&ms.
“I think about people reading this and it ties my stomach all up in knots. But then I also think about the possibility that no one will ever read this, and I wanna cry. Option 2 seems much more likely to me. Why on earth would anyone care to read anything that I have to say?” (leslierohman.wordpress.com)
Such doubts plague my own thoughts but this is a venture I feel I need to try. If I want to be a writer, I need to get through my head the scary idea of others reading my writing.
In two instances this last week, I’ve heard these words:
“Without hope we perish.”
And
“Without vision, we perish.”
These words resonated with me so much that I can’t get them out of my head. My dream, or vision, is to write, and a blog, though not the full-blown vision of becoming a novelist, is one step closer to my dream. So here’s to hope and a change in mindset. Here’s to focusing on what I can do and hoping it works instead of letting my doubts paralyze me before I’ve even started.
I may consume a bag of york peppermint patties instead of m&ms but I will try and deal with my doubts in the process.
What is your dream and what obstacles stand in the way? What small step can you take today to overcome those obstacles?
Blessings,
Jennifer
Hi Jen. I feel a little odd writing this since I could just pick up the phone and call you with my comments, but as you are putting yourself out there on this forum, I suppose I could follow suit. First, I really enjoy your musings — I’m reminded of many chats we had at ASR. I also am always pleased to think of how much you’ve already expanded your comfort zone (or at least done a darn good job of faking it). Your posting made me think of my dream when I was a 16-year-old kid hating all aspects of life. My dream was to simply have fun. I was such a shy, reclusive kid that my inhibitions never allowed me to participate in the fun I observed others having around me. One of the keys to achieving fun that I was missing was to simply live for myself. I was very good at living in a manner that would please others, but I kept coming up short in my own happiness. I had to more selfish. Like you, I thought of myself as the last in line for appeasement. I realized that I could be more selfish without becoming a self-centered jerk. I think back and imagine myself on a continuum with the extremes of: 1) living for others’ happiness only, and 2) living for my own happiness only. I was living for others too much, and all I did was move towards the middle. A little selfishness was okay. In accomplishing my goal, I learned an important lesson — in my opinion, one never truly defeats an ingrained fear. One can, however, match that fear, and in doing so, come to know that you are just as strong as the fear is. You are a tremendously talented woman, and I feel that your fear will be fully matched very soon, if it’s not already. When that strength is fully realized, then it’s simply up to you to put it to use. The end result will always be Jen declaring, “I WIN!” Happiness to you.
Thanks for sharing Bryan=) I miss chatting with you at ASR too. Thanks for the encouragement, the fear of putting myself out there in this forum weighs strongly on my mind, but what you said helps. The fear hasn’t lessened, but like you said, even if it doesn’t go away, I grow as I brave new things. As Einstein said “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” Guess I can’t fear making mistakes=)
Fear of “looking foolish” was my biggest hang-up growing up. But more recently, the fact that my kids could pick that up from me scares me so much more!! I’m learning to do the silly stuff and have had so much fun!! I love having fun with my kids!!!
Chelsea, what a great way to look at life! I’ve always found the people who take the chance and enjoy themselves are those that I admire most.
Jen, I am so proud of you taking on another challenge.
Heres to you my friend.